I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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