In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I wannas sexs uuuuu
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
