the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize