when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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