I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
