I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
