it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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