Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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