Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
