The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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