So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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