She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
