I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
people are starting to question the shark bite story
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
