i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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