She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's rum buckets o'clock
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
