This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
