I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
