Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
