We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
