i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
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we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
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There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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