Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize