I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
