Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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