Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
