I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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