Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
don't judge my taste in strippers
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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