You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
