remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
