When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
