We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
