I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
