I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
