My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
