make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize