Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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