Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
even my farts smell like vagina
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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