When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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