I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
