are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
