good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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