i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
