I only kidnapped one of them. chill
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
