i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
