i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
