"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
