I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
