Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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