so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
