I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
