I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
