I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
