He asked to "fluff my boner.."
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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