So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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