It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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