my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
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