Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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