I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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