I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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