these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
